Thneeds

plastic pumpkin

The winner of October’s Thneed Trophy is . . .The Styrofoam  “Orange Harvest Pumpkin” sold by Walmart and many other fine outlets for your Halloween decorating delights. For a mere $23.49, you can pick up (and toss around, unlike the heavier vegetable version) this 7 ¾” by 9 ¾” beauty, safe in the knowledge that it will still be around […]

The winner of the September 2018 Thneed Trophy is the ever-so-humble one-time-use plastic straw.Yes, it’s darned convenient and it makes it easier to drive while drinking (soda). But, unless you have particular disabilities, is it really necessary? Ask the sea turtle with a straw crammed up his nose. Think about the tiny plastic beads swimming in your beer. And the […]

I think that I will never seeA poem as uglyAs a gas-powered jet ski. The winner of the July 2018 Thneed Trophy is the Burrasca personal watercraft (aka “jet ski”).Called by its advocates “a monster on the water”[1] but a “monster to the water” by its critics, the Burrasca is supposedly the fastest jet ski on the market today…and the most […]